Horror Hookups
by Relictus
Summary: Its Valentine's Day, and Lockhart wants his students to have fun so he brews a love potion. Unfortunately, he screws up as usual, causing disastrous results and some very as the name suggests horror hookups.
1. Chapter 1 Brewing Trouble

**Timeline: Harry Potter's Third Year at Hogwarts. Alternate Universe (The Chamber of Secrets was never Opened). Gilderoy Lockhart did not lose his memory and became the first Defense-Against-The-Dark professor to break the curse and stay on for 2 years.**

**Summary: Its Valentine's Day, and Lockhart wants his students to have fun so he brews a love potion. Unfortunately, he screws up as usual, and creates instead a potion with a strange smell, making whoever smells it, get strongly attracted to the person they were thinking of last. The potion causes disastrous results and some very (as the name suggests) horror hookups.**

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**¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¨°º¤ø„¸CHAPTER ONE¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¸„ø¤º°¨ BREWING TROUBLE¨°º¤ø„¸**

**¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸**

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Scotland**_

_**February 14th, Valentine's Day**_

Somewhere in Hogwarts, a potion was being brewed. No, not by the Potions master Professor Snape, but by the unlikeliest candidate ever, the Defense-Against-The-Dark professor, Gilderoy Lockhart. It was valentine's day and he had planned the perfect surprise for his students, a love potion. And not just any love potion, Amortentia, the most powerful love porion in the world.

He had a copy of "_Potions for All Occasions_" by Samuela J. Biggins open in front of him and he was cutting valerian roots as the book had suggested. The ingredients had not been hard to get at all as Professor Snape had everything in his supply closet. But he had looked at Lockhart suspiciously when he had heard the ingredients, though he hadn't said anything.

Unfortunately, he wasn't one to follow instructions perfectly, and thus he had chopped up very small pieces of the roots where the book had said to cut long slices. As he was adding the ingredients he had thought of the other idea which had occurred to him earlier today. He had met with Professor Trelawney, and told her, as part of the valentine spirit, to predict their soul mates. She had been very excited at the prospect, God bless her. He really must ask her, how it went after her class.

His thoughts were brought back to the present by the new song "_Owl Me Your Love_" a popular hit by the Shrieking Sisters. As he was tapping his foot along with the song, he noticed something was wrong with his potion. For one it was brown and frothing instead of clear and bubbling. And for another it was growing. Growing and spilling out from the sides of the cauldron. "I guess it wasn't such a good idea to listen to the radio while brewing such a complicated potion" was all he could think of.

He took out his wand to do damage control, and control the spillage, but he could never remember the spells. He hit the cauldron with one he thought was right, but the potion turned fiery red, and started emitting a fowl smell instead. The smell filled the room within seconds.

** º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way to their Divination's class on the seventh floor. This was a class they always dreaded, specially Hermione. But even they weren't prepared for the spectacle that befell them. The class had been transformed, if that was the way to put it. The walls were adorned with red shaped hearts, and there were house-elfs dressed as cupids flying around in the air. Hermione's heart immediately went out to them.

Both Ron and Harry tip-toed out of sight of Hermione. They didn't want another lecture on the "ill treatment of House-Elfs by the wizards". As they took their seats, Professor Trelawney walked in. Everybody couldn't stop staring at her, she wore bloody red dress robes that would have looked great on another but made her look like a beetle, specially with her oversized spectacles.

"Hello Children", she spoke in that high-pitched squeaky voice of hers that always drove Ron insane, "today being valentine's day, why don't I look at each one of your hands and tell you about your soul mates?" making Lavender and Parvati coo and giggle in delight.

"First you Miss Patil" she said as Trelawney took her seat at her table and took Parvati's hand in her own. "I see a proposal from a sandy haired boy in the near future" causing Seamus to blush, he being the only sandy haired boy in the room.

"What about me Miss Trelawney?" shrieked Lavender almost thrusting her hand in Trelawney's hand, to which Ron whispered "Despo" a little too loudly.

"Ah! Miss Brown. I see you have some feelings for a hufflepuff boy for some time now. Rest assured the feelings are mutual." Lavender almost fell off her seat and had to be helped back by Parvati.

"So who's next? Perhaps… Mr. Malfoy!" She said pointedly to Draco who wasn't paying attention, rather was busy staring out of the window. Draco got up and took his seat in front of Trelawney with his usual smug look upon his face.

"Beneath this tough exterior, lies a heart that yearns for someone. I never thought you would fall for a Griffindor. Love works in strange ways Mr. Malfoy, Strange ways indeed."

"But that's bullshit!"

"Mr. Malfoy. I would certainly appreciate if you would care not to use such language in my class. And also not doubt my talents."

Malfoy leaned closer to Trelawney and whispered "Who?" dreading the answer.

But Trelawney never got to answer Malfoy's question as at that moment Gilderoy Lockhart burst through the door, pushed Malfoy aside, took Trelawney into his arms and kissed her full on the lips.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" was all Ron could mutter.

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**This is just the beginning. Lots of horror hookups. You're gonna love it. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2 Musings

**¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¨°º¤ø„¸CHAPTER TWO¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¸„ø¤º°¨ MUSINGS¨°º¤ø„¸**

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Lockhart and Trelawney were still at it when the bell rang. As they were climbing back down from the silk ladder which led to the divinations class, Hermione was shouting at Ron.

"No Ron, I don't care what they were doing, they are still our teachers. You cannot shout 'GET A ROOM' at them."

"But 'mione…"

"No Buts Ron!"

Harry felt he should break the fight up. He tried to change the topic.

"So who do you think Malfoy has a crush on?" He said, a little too loudly, coz Draco Malfoy heard him and ran away, pink in the cheeks.

"Who cares must be that slut Lavender" retorted Hermione earning a finger from Lavender, "I'm going to the library. Anybody coming?"

"Ya! we'll come" was the reply as they all made their way to the library.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Draco walked alone coz he wanted to clear his head. He was still shaken up after listening to Trelawney's prediction. Nobody was supposed to know about that. That was his darkest secret, and he hated himself for it. God! What if his parents found out. He and a 'Mudblood'? His father would rather AK (death eater short form of Avada-Kedavra) him. But yet how much ever he tried, he could never take her out of his mind. Oh God! What was this strange smell?

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet and Angelina Johnson came bounding down the stairs. The three were best friends and always hung out together and were one of the hottest girls in Hogwarts, causing George to joke one day that they looked like The Charlie's Angels. Although George had to run away to avoid curses from all three of them, the name kind of stuck.

"So who's ready to play the T-game?" asked Alicia with a naughty twinkle in her eye.

The T-game was a secret game shared by the 3 best friends in which one of them would ask a question and each of them would have to answer truthfully. They had started playing it in first year, when they had had a little too much to drink, and the night had ended with Alicia and Katie making out but that's a different story.

"Ask! Ask! Ask!" the other two shrieked in unison, causing people to turn around and look at them.

"Shhhh! Ok who according to you is the most shaggable player on the Griffindor team?" Asked Alicia in that innocent voice of hers that she reserved only for the time she wanted to be really naughty."You go first Angelina, then Katie and then I. Ok on the count of three!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Wood"

"Fred"

"George"

The three of them then took a moment to gather their breaths and take in what or rather who each of them had said. Katie was the first one to break the silence.

"Why do you always have to copy me Alicia?"

"I didn't copy you. I said George"

"It's the same thing. They're twins."

"No its not. George's body is so much hotter than Fred's"

"Whatever! And you sly bitch! Wood haan? I always knew you had a thing for him"

"Hey! He's tall, handsome, and besides he has such a great body"

"Shut up! He so does not! Hey! What's that smell?" Alicia said holding her nose.

" I have no idea but somebody should really do something about it." replied Angelina.

"Speaking of smell! I just remembered something, I have to do. See you guys Later" said Katie almost in a trance.

"Ya! So do I"

"Ya! Me too!"

All three girls departed, as if on a mission…

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

When Seamus stumbled back to the Gryffindor common room, the others immediately knew something was wrong. For one nobody had seen him for the past two hours. Secondly he had his hands around his back as if he was hiding something.

"Oye!" hollered Ron above the chatter in the common room, "Over here!"

Seamus came over with a sheepish grin over his face. "Where were you man? I've been looking all over for you. And what's that you're hiding behind your back?" Dean immediately jumped at him.

"In Professor Lockhart's office. You see…. Professor Trelawney told Professor Lockhart about what happened in Divination today and he took me into his office to, you know, talk about it and give me some tips. Do you think she'll like it?"

He brought his hands forward to show a hand made Valentine's day card that let's say a 5 year old would have made neater.

Ron asked "Who?"

"Parvati who else?" replied Seamus as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"You're Joking right!" Ron spat back. And then seeing that Seamus got kind of offended, he added "Its…..nice. I think she'll definitely like it"

"You really think so!" Seamus said jumping up and hugging Ron so hard he had trouble breathing.

"C-Ca-Can't Bre-Breathe" managed Ron.

"Sorry!" said Seamus letting go. "Let me go show it to her!" and ran off as everybody looked on. Dean muttered something under his breath that sounded to Harry like "Ooh Boy!"

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**I know this one was somewhat of a buildup and not much fun, but I promise a nice surprise in the next one.**


	3. Chapter 3 Of Horrors and Hookups

**Really sorry folks for the delay, but these last few months have been crazy, what with shifting, new beginning, blah blah….. Anyways coming back to the point, thanks to **Clarivoyance's **nagging, I finally got around to writing this chapter, so dedicating this chapter to her and at her insistence making someone wear flowery pink robes. Who? Well Read on and find out:**

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**¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¨°º¤ø„¸CHAPTER THREE¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¸„ø¤º°¨ OF HORRORS AND HOOKUPS¨°º¤ø„¸**

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Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way to their Divination's class on the seventh floor. This

The Griffindor common room shook with the sound of a loud crash. It seems in his hurry to get to Parvati, Seamus had jumped on top of one of the common room tables, which had given way under his weight. After rescuing Seamus from amidst the debris of the table and the homework parchments some 15 first year Griffindor girls who were shrieking uncontrollably, Harry, Ron and Dean took him to the side.

"Have you lost your mind, mate?" Ron roared, and was immediately rewarded with a push in the chest by Seamus who ran off running.

""

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Parvati was helping a group of first years with their Charms assignment but turned around when she heard her name being called. Then she lost her balance and fell as Seamus tackled her to the ground.

"Seamus, What are you doing? Get off me?" She shrieked.

"Im sorry Parvati, I just wanted to wish you Happy Valentine's Day." And then suddenly shy, "Look I made this for you!" He said taking out the card handing it to her sheepishly, which she took, and blushed as she opened it and read it.

"Its v-very nice Seamus" she said very self-conscious.

"I'm glad you liked it Parvati", said Seamus. He quickly kissed her on her left cheek, turned around, banged into the Coat of Arms and came crashing down.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Professor Snape thought it wise to check on Gilderoy Lockhart. He knew without a doubt, that he was trying to make Amortentia, which, besides being banned in Hogwarts, was a very complicated potion, and he did not trust the git was capable of making it. He was in a hurry, as he was already late for an appointment with Hagrid. He wanted to give Hagrid a list of ingredients that he wanted from Diagon Alley. Must reach before he leaves, he thought, as he burst through the doors of Lockhart's Office.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸**

Hermione was obviously irritated. She did not have peace to study in her only sanctuary in Hogwarts, the Library. She had just got down to doing some homework when Lockhart and Trelawney had burst into the library, talking loudly and holding hands. They had proceeded to the restricted section, from where some strange noises could be heard. Hermione thought that she was going to be sick.

She got up to pick out another book when she saw a silhouette hiding behind the rack. She immediately pulled out her wand, and jumped towards the hiding creature, shouting "_Petrificus Totallus_".

The figure that went down was that of Draco Malfoy.

"What are you doing here Malfoy?" She asked, then realized that he cant speak under the effects of the full body bind, and released him from it, though still keeping her wand pointed at him.

"Hermione, I just wanted to talk to you" He admitted.

"Out with it Malfoy!" She said with venom in her voice.

"No, Not here, can we go outside?" He said, his voice strangely sweet for once

"Im busy, leave me alone." She said

"Please Hermione" said he in such a loving voice that she almost melted, but then realizing it was Malfoy, she snaped back to reality,

"Beat it Malfoy. And if I catch you following me again, I'll curse you again," and then pausing for effect, "For life" she said, swinging around and leaving the Library.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Argus Filch shuffled down the corridor. Somebody had complained about a strange smell coming from Professor Lockhart's office. As if Filch had nothing better to do, he mused. He still had a lot of work piled up, let alone he couldn't find Mrs. Norris since this morning. He just hoped she was alright. Hmm there was actually a smell coming from Lockhart's room. What could that be?

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Hagrid heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to find Professor Snape in, he did a double take. Professor Snape in Flowery Pink Dress Robes. For a minute there he thought Professor Snape had gone mad. But then he remembered his manners.

"Come in 'Fessor. How come yer here?" He said ushering Snape inside.

" Oh it's been so long since we chatted Hagrid. So tell me how have you been keeping?" said Snape flashing a smile that, on anybody else would have been flaterring.

"M fine 'Fessor" said Hagrid obviously feeling uncomfortable. "Would you like some tea?"

"Oh Hagrid, how sweet of you to ask. Yes Please" said Snape, obviously on his best behavior.

Hagrid put some water to boil, and then sat down, clutching his back.

"Something wrong, Rubeus?" asked Snape obviously concerned.

"Nothing 'fessor. Just me back's bin killin' me" groaned Hagrid.

"Well why didn't you say so before? Here let me rub it for you" said Snape getting up and standing behind Hagrid.

"Its ok 'Fessor. You dun have to do this" said Hagrid

"Its no problem Rubeus. And please, call me Severus", said Snape rubbing Hagrid's back.

"Thank You 'Fesser, I mean S-Severus" said Hagrid.

"Now just close your eyes and relax. It will all be fine in a few minutes"

Then Hagrid felt something he shouldn't as he jumped up shouting "OUT! OUTA MY HOUSE I SAY! And if ya eva' come near me again im gonna set FANGS after ya" He said literally throwing Snape out of his house.

And on this Valentine's day, Severus Snape sat in his office, alone, and cried.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Ron was furious. Filch had confiscated his Fanged Frisbee that Bill had given him for Christmas. He was going to Filch's office with the intention of flicking the Frisbee back out if Filch was not in the office. He found the door of Filch's office closed. As he opened it slightly and poked his head in, he was met with a very disturbing sight. Filch was on his table doing things to Mrs. Norris that would leave mental scars in Ron's mind for years to come.

Ron thought he was going to puke. He ran from there in search of a toilet. He found one and as he burst through it he saw a flash of green light, and he went down in a heap.

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**What happened to Ron? Please stay tuned to find out. I hope you people liked the surprises in this chapter. Your love and reviews are constant encouragement to write more, so please Review.**


	4. Chapter 4 LOVE HATH NO BOUNDS

**Sorry for the delays….. Been busy fighting my own Voldemorts….. you know how it is. Anyways here's the next chapter. Enjoy:**

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**¨°º¤ø„¸CHAPTER FOUR¸„ø¤º°¨**

**¸„ø¤º°¨ LOVE HATH NO BOUNDS¨°º¤ø„¸**

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Pansy Parkinson was livid. She had been given detension only because she had hexed that git Ronald Weasley so bad that he had landed up in the Hospital Wing. Well it was his fault anyways. Who told him to burst into the Girl's Bathroom. Now she was supposed to go to the hospital wing and apologise to the moron. She, Pansy, apologise to that Weasley. She'd rather die first. But she didn't want to risk expulsion. So here she was, making her way there right now. As she turned around a corner, she was greeted by a horrid smell.

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Professor McGonagall was livid. The Griffindor-Slytherin rivalry was really getting out of hand. Today a Slytherin girl had attacked a Griffindor boy. And today's supposed to be Valentine's day. Although she had given the girl detension, she thought, the Headmaster must be informed of this. As she made her way to his office, she was greeted by a horrid smell coming from a classroom. She thought she'd better investigate, that suddenly thought better of it and went back to her room.

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Ron came to, to find Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George and Percy all surrounding him. He sat up groggily. "Hey Guys! What happened?" then he looked around him and realized he was in the hospital wing.

"What happened is that, that Slytherin bitch tried to murder my brother. I'l personally torture and kill her." Fred burst out, taking out his wand.

Percy and George immediately tried to stop him.

"Chill bro. Relax. We'll take care of her in our own special way. For now, our baby brother needs us." said George with a wink, which immediately made Percy and Ron scowl.

"Can I come in" suddenly a voice made everybody turn around to the source of the voice.

"Pansy! What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione immediately burst out. And Percy and George had to restrain Fred again as he lunged towards Pansy.

And indeed it was Pansy. Pansy in a pretty Pink top and a skirt to match, looking her best, flowers in hand. As soon as she saw Ron, she burst into a shriek and ran full speed towards him.

"Ronnikins. My poor baby. Im so sorry. I didn't mean to hex you. Won't you please forgive your Pansy Ronnikins. Please Please Please." And she planted a kiss plumb on his lips.

As soon as Ron recovered from the shock of the sudden behavioral change in Pansy, and the embarresment of getting snogged right in front of his brothers and best friends, that too by a Slytherin, he burst out "Get away from me you crazy woman."

Poor Pansy started crying and ran for the door. Hermione for some reason felt sorry for her and ran after her.

"Pansy! Wait!" She called out and finally caught up with her at the door.

"He's just under shock. He doesn't mean that. You really don't mean that, do you Ron?" both Hermione and Pansy looked towards Ron, who showed Pansy the Finger.

Pansy burst into a fresh set of tears and ran away. Hermione returned to Ron with a disapproving look on her face.

"What? What did I do?" Ron replied in his most innocent expression.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Professor Dumbledore was just about to retire for his afternoon nap, when there was a knock on his office door. He hated to be disturbed during naptime, but he went and sat at his desk, and said a curt "Come In".

As the door opened, Professor Dumbledore's jaw dropped towards the floor. There was Professor McGonagall in the skimpiest skirt he had ever seen. Hair left open. Tons of Make Up. For a moment he thought it was a trap. Voldemort had dressed up as McGonagall to gain entry into Hogwarts. Then he remembered, Voldemort could never enter Hogwarts. He himself had put up protective wards around Hogwarts to that effect.

"Minerva" he said acknowledging her.

"Hi Alby! How are you?" answered McGonagall in a very seductive voice, which made Dumbledore flinch. Nobody after Samantha Biggins in his Sixth year as a student at Hogwarts had ever called him Alby.

"I'm fine. Minerva. May I ask what is the meaning of dressing like this? What impression will it have on the students?"

"Oh Alby! You mean my new skirt. You Like?" said McGonagall giving a twirl and revealing things a headmaster should never see of one of his teachers.

Dumbledore gulped. "And this had to happen during my naptime" he thought and cringed.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Harry thought Ginny looked worried about her brother inside the hospital wing. So when she slipped out for some reason, he followed her. He wanted to console her, tell her, her brother will be alright. It was after all his duty being her brother's best friend and all. But she seemed to have disappeared completely. He started looking for her in classrooms after classrooms, until he opened the door to a classroom and was greeted by a horrid smell. He closed the door quickly.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,**

Hagrid needed permission from Professor Dumbledore to go to Knockturn Alley. As he opened the door to Dumbledore's office he saw Professor McGonagall in very provocative clothing, sitting on Professor Dumbledore's table, pulling at his robes.

Hagrid said a quick "I didn't know you were busy Professor. I'll come around later." and closed the door before Dumbledore could call out to him, muttering something about the whole of Hogwarts going crazy.

Poor Dumbledore turned red faster than the time Samantha Biggins had snogged him in the middle of the Great Hall at Dinnertime.

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**Have kept this chapter short and to the point. I just hope it met all of your expectations. Please Review and let me know. **


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